Seeing Beyond Differences: How to Truly Listen and See the Person Behind Differing Views

If you’re anything like me, you’ve felt a bit overwhelmed by the political divide in the news lately. From differing tactics on wars, government shutdowns, and endless other topics, it sometimes feels like finding a solution is nearly impossible due to the huge schism created in our country. 

As we watch the hate spewed out from one side to the other I can’t help but think ‘there has to be a better way.’ 

Don’t worry, this isn’t another piece dissecting politics or pointing fingers. Instead, it’s an invitation to pause and consider how we navigate differences of all kinds, whether they’re about values, beliefs, or simply the way we see the world.

They always say to not judge a book by its cover, and if we metaphorically think of another person’s views as their “cover” do you think we can make it possible to see that there’s more to the story even if we don’t agree? 

There are boundaries with this of course. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and sometimes these opinions and moral differences are so extreme that we need to distance ourselves from them. However, that doesn’t mean we have to be extreme in our reactions or harbor hate towards them.

Imagine how an artist and a marine biologist explain the ocean. One describes the colors, reflections, and gradient depth of field while the other observes chemical compounds, ecosystems, and ecology. Neither is wrong (which isn’t always the case of course), but each explains through their own scope of knowledge and experience.

Truly listening, and seeing the person behind the differing views is not only applicable to the current political environment, but it can be helpful in many areas of your life. There will always be people we don’t agree with, but do we become so closed off in our beliefs that we refuse to allow anyone else with differing views to enter into our lives? 

Finding Commonalities

It’s easy to get caught up in how different another person’s views are from our own, but difference doesn’t mean disconnection. Beneath the surface of opinions and beliefs, there are shared threads that can bind us together. 

We all have something in common with everyone, even our ‘enemies.’ Maybe you and the other person are both parents, both siblings, or both trying to navigate the ups and downs of work and life. Even something as simple as sharing a favorite hobby, a love of coffee, or cheering for the same sports team can create a bridge. 

They have people that love them, and probably people that hate them as well. They’ve gone through struggles, trials, and tribulations just like you have. 

When we intentionally look for these points of connection, we remind ourselves that the person across from us is not defined solely by their perspective on one issue, they are a complex individual with experiences and relationships that  in many ways  mirror our own. 

By humanizing them, especially when we don’t know them personally, we can bridge the gap of hate that is caused when we only see the cover.

Listening to Understand, Not to React

True listening means setting aside the urge to mentally prepare a response while the other person is speaking. Instead of focusing on “winning” a conversation, try leaning into curiosity. Ask yourself: What is this person really trying to say? What might they be feeling underneath their words? What have they gone through to cause them to have this opinion?

When we shift into this type of listening, conversations often feel less like debates and more like exchanges of stories. Instead of waiting for a pause to jump in with our own perspective, we can let silence linger for a moment and show genuine interest in what’s being said. 

Oftentimes we go into conversations hoping to shift the other person’s perspective, especially when strong values or moral convictions are involved. But lasting change rarely happens through force. 

Think of the way water shapes a stone, it’s not through sudden impact, but through a steady, gentle flow that smooths away sharp edges over time. In the same way, if your goal is to influence someone’s thinking, it’s more effective to be a calm, consistent presence rather than overwhelming them with a flood of arguments.

Listening to understand rather than to react invites space for empathy. This kind of listening doesn’t require us to agree, but it does allow us to hear beyond the surface-level opinions. It allows us to hear the humanity within them.

When we learn to find common ground and practice genuine listening, we open the door to more meaningful conversations. Differences don’t have to divide us; they can actually become opportunities to strengthen connection if approached with empathy and curiosity. 

By looking beyond opposing views and choosing to listen deeply, we begin to see not just the argument, but the person, and that’s where true understanding begins.