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Writer's pictureDr. Robyn Bone, PhD, LPC

4 Ways to Get Unstuck Using Self Help




You’re fine, truly! You consider yourself a happy person and you really do enjoy your life. 


You have good days and bad days just like everyone else. 


You don’t notice any major extremes through the normalcy of your daily routine, but you sometimes feel tired of the monotony. You don’t pay attention to it too often through the hustle and bustle of everyday life, especially during the holiday season, but sometimes when you allow your mind to wander, you think maybe, just maybe, there could be more. 


We get stuck in the mediocrity of comfort that we forget there can be more, and I’m not referring to more material things. I mean more good feelings, more good challenges, like the sensation you get when you finally cross something off of a to-do list or achieve a big goal. 


Sometimes when we finally reach our comfort spot in life we forget how good it feels to strive for something beyond it, we often don’t even see why we would want to try harder for things when we know we’re doing just fine in our coasting. 


But here’s the thing, we are in this moment, in this year, in this life one time. Why are we wasting it being mediocre? We don’t know what we’re missing out on when we don’t allow ourselves to try. 


I don’t mean that we should take how far we’ve come for granted, but with the limitless amount of distractions surrounding us we are actively blocking out the new experiences to be had and more growth to be made. Distractions like Netflix, social media, and self-created issues that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. 


So where can you start on your road to self improvement? 


1. Decide what you want to change


Deciding what you want to change is the first step in the self-help process. Maybe you’ve lost 10 pounds, but you know you can lose more if you push yourself a little harder. Maybe you find yourself examining nature, staring at the stars, and yet you’ve never tried to express yourself artistically. Maybe you’re so consumed with work that you haven’t allowed yourself to step away and truly be present with your family. 


Action step: 


Remember that what you really want can change with time, but starting somewhere is key. Set a 10-20 minute timer, go on a walk, open the notes on your phone, or sit down with a journal and start thinking about everything that interests you. Allow the little voice in your head (the one that you’ve been blocking out) to finally be heard, explore what areas you know you’ve been lacking in or have yet to allow yourself to discover. 


Once you’ve done this, identify ways that are achievable and trackable for you to start the change. You’re going to resist it, but don’t allow “no” to be an option. 




2. Explore resources 


Step into a library and see how overwhelming the self-help section is. 


People have been bombarded by opinions, advice, and assistance that can oftentimes not be very helpful information. The point isn’t to take in everything that’s out there when it comes to self-help resources, but you can find some things that may be helpful for you.


We’ve concluded that there is always room for growth, and looking beyond your own knowledge is a fantastic way to learn. Whether it’s through books, podcasts, seminars, or reading peer reviewed articles, there are a multitude of ways to adapt the self help world to your learning style. 


Take note: Before diving into an author or speaker, I do recommend you do your research on them. Some authors are all about striving for material success while others are about prioritizing your roles and relationships. Decide what values you have when it comes to your future self and research reliable and educated individuals that can help you get there. 


Action Step: 


Find one resource that you’re going to commit to every day for 10 minutes, whether it’s reading a book, putting on a podcast or discovering new research. Allow your mind to grow with you during your self help journey. 


3. Team up 


“Two are always better than one.”


I’m not sure how this statement upholds in every situation, but when it comes to working on yourself, having an accountability partner can be a great way to spark success. 


Find someone to rely on during your self help journey, not someone that’s going to agree with your excuses, but someone that wants to see you accomplish your changes just as much as you do. Research states that if you tell someone you see as “higher up” than you, you’re more likely to accomplish your goals. 


This doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to tell your boss about your self help journey, but you should be telling someone that you respect and admire. 


And if there isn’t anyone in your life that you can rely on you can find a self help Facebook group or even make your to-do list your accountability partner. 


4. Don’t forget gratitude 


It’s easy to have a one track mind once you get going on your self help journey. But keep in mind that there are always things to be grateful for every single day if we are intentional about seeing them. 


Find joy in the ordinary moments while you work to make even more extraordinary ones.  



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